i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize