i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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