I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize