Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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