i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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