My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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