Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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