Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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