I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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