I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize