I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize