so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize