my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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