He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize