It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize