I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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