fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nicole vs. Life
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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