oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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