how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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