i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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