is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Boobs are out for the taking
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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