Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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