So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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