I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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