Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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