Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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