Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize