Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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