He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize