I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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