i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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