You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize