wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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