so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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