So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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