I looked at my own cervix.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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