I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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