When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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