Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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