I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize