grandma shit on top of the toilet
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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