This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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