I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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