Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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