the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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