I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
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I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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