After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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