Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize