I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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