Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Randomize