Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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